I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
