Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
