She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
They have beer where we have blood.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
