the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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