Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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