I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
