You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
