there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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