i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
