How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
