So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
