we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
whose parrot is this?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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