Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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