The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
