I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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