I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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