Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
