I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
