I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
