worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
