I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
