He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
