What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
