yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Still dying that you shit outside
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
