Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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