What a fucking waste of an outfit
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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