Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
