I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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