im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
