I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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