It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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