The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
