He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
