I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
