R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
