I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
