The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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