CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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