just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
