Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
