I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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