hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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