the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
he puts the penis in happiness.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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