nut hugger
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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