So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
