the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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