Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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