so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize