question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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