Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
