So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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