today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We are all done wearing pants today
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
