There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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