Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
