Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
