Betty ford says i'm here all night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
