After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
