ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
