does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
