I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
