so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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