Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
