he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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