i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
