Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
BRING THE BAGELS
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
