The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
